Turns Out Paris Hilton Is, In Fact, A Lying Possessor Of Cocaine

Appearing this morning in a Las Vegas courtroom, Paris Hilton admitted she was a lying possessor of cocaine (but you probably knew that already).

The grating heiress pleaded guilty to a pair of misdemeanors stemming from her arrest last month when that bindle of coke fell out of her Chanel purse into the waiting hands of a cop. The classy Hilton--flashing just a hint of cleavage in Judge Joseph Bonaventure’s Clark County courtroom--admitted ownership of the cocaine and copped to lying when she told police that the purse was not hers.

Hilton was sentenced to six months on each count, but had the service of those consecutive terms suspended (as long as she remains out of trouble). As she was whisked away from the courthouse in a waiting Cadillac SUV, comedian Jake Byrd--wearing a “Stop The Parisecution” t-shirt--yelled out, “Since when is cocaine illegal in Las Vegas?”