Obama Hater Arrested For Vibrator Theft

AUGUST 10--An Illinois man who was caught with a stolen vibrator stashed in his boxer shorts told police that he had no idea how the device got there, according to a police report that notes the suspect later stripped naked in a holding cell while making “derogatory comments about President Obama.”

Christopher Hucko, 44, was collared last month after allegedly walking out of a suburban Chicago sex shop with a $48 Euphoria G-Spot Delight vibrator in his pants.

Police had been called to the Orland Park store by a worker who reported that she believed Hucko (seen at right)  “put merchandise in his pants.” The employee told cops that she had noticed “a large bulge” in the suspect’s trousers.

A quartet of officers confronted Hucko as he left the Lovers Lane store. When cop Anthony Carone asked him “what he had stuffed in his pants,” Hucko replied, “My penis.” Hucko added that he had a tattoo of a cherry on his penis and asked Carone if he wanted to see it.

A subsequent search of Hucko turned up the pink vibrator “under his boxers.” After removing the stolen goods, Carone reported that, “I asked Christopher how that got there, to which he replied that he had no idea.” Cops also found marijuana and a pot pipe among Hucko’s belongings.

Later, while in an Orland Park Police Department holding cell, Hucko “stripped completely naked” and subjected police personnel to “comments about his political views and derogatory comments about President Obama.”

After being given a Miranda rights consent form, Hucko signed his name as “Obama is a criminal” on the document.

Hucko, whose rap sheet includes multiple larceny arrests, was charged with retail theft, pot possession, and possession of drug paraphernalia, all misdemeanors.

The dual-speed Euphoria sex toy--which promises “vibrating butterfly kisses”--apparently was not seized as evidence by police. Instead, cops took a photo of the sex toy, which features “stimulating motion beads” and a removable battery cartridge. (3 pages)