August 25, 2010
DOCUMENT: Bizarre, Crime

Woman Nabbed For Auto Erotic Crime

Cincinnati driver caught multitasking herself

Colondra Hamilton

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Auto Erotic Crime

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AUGUST 25--A Cincinnati woman was simultaneously masturbating with a sex toy and watching a pornographic video while driving last week, according to cops who arrested her on assorted criminal charges.

Colondra Hamilton, 36, was pulled over last Tuesday evening in a traffic stop triggered when cops noticed she was driving a 2008 Pontiac with overly tinted windows.

That’s when officers noticed that Hamilton’s pants were unbuttoned. And she had a vibrator in her lap. Questioned by cops, Hamilton admitted to engaging in auto erotic manipulation, and revealed that she had also been watching a porno movie that was playing on the laptop of a friend in the passenger seat, according to an Elmwood Place Police Department report.

Hamilton, pictured in the above mug shot, was booked into the Hamilton County jail on a misdemeanor count of driving with “impaired alertness.” Hamilton was also charged with possession of drug paraphernalia since cops found a “broken piece of crack pipe” in her purse.

She was not, however, accused of using the pipe while she was driving and masturbating and watching an X-rated film, the title of which was not released. (2 pages)

Auto Erotic Crime

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Cincinnati, vibrator

Comments (90)

Submitted by AuntieTaqiyya on Thu, 2010-12-02 14:17.
Hey, if you can't talk-and-drive, or text-and-drive, then you certainly can't vibe-and-drive with a porn-vid chaser...Talk about multi-tasking! Although-- based on the driver's paucity of physical attributes--this was the best she could ever get. Doesn't this constitute a quasi-DUI? Wow! I certainly feel sorry for the arresting officer. Imagine having to take the lisence from THOSE fingers...
Submitted by britinfl on Thu, 2010-10-28 13:41.
She wasn't impaired at that time. That would have cum later.
Submitted by Big Hairy Balls on Fri, 2010-09-24 10:36.
An old girlfriend of mine who was an alcoholic used to masturbate while driving long, lonely stretches of the NY Thruway. Today she's an architect, sober and married with 3 children. Proof that jerkin' while drivin' can be an entre to a whole new life.
Submitted by Nightro Girl on Fri, 2010-09-03 15:27.
Talented! ...Thank you Captain Cop-Tosterone for saving our quiet community from the big bad black woman and her scary legal vibrator! Afterall...the ever-so-BEAUTIFUL-bloggers would much rather their tax $$ pay for her OB/GYN and subsequent welfare right? **Same story...with a white male ... nothing to report ***Wait... "Impaired"? How'd we go from 'illegal Window Tint' ... to 'Impaired' without any moving violations OR 'suspicious' driving activity? WHY were her belongings searched? P.s. Vibrator's missing from the Evidence room; Suspect Captain-Testy. And For Our Next Trick ... Taxpayers offering Reward $$ for info leading up to the arrest of 'Impaired Cruise-Controlled White Females applying make-up behind the wheel! VICTIMS Noted Hands-free traveling and erratic Cushion-dancing with what sounded like hip-hop music playing in such a manner that the attempts to sound their horn (to avoid collision) could not be heard. Investigator suspects guilty artist to be non other than the Black-eyed Peas.
Submitted by theo_47 on Fri, 2010-09-03 09:12.
Wow...maybe she was warming up for the main event at her place. But, there's no excuse for endangering others.
Submitted by brane less dumschitt on Fri, 2010-09-03 06:51.
i finnin to rub one out, lordy lordy its the polllice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by donaldawbrey on Thu, 2010-09-02 20:12.
When we lived in Washington D.C. they would have motorists who would perform these acts during rush hour on the loop. They called these weirdos "Belt-Way Whalers". My question is whether her toy was an automatic or a stick shift.
Submitted by theo_47 on Fri, 2010-09-03 09:15.
It may have been an old "fluid drive" or possibly just a "kick-start" model.
Submitted by Motorhedd on Wed, 2010-09-01 09:25.
Hahaha- Talk about "If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with" (lyrics courtesy of Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young). How convenient for her, she is always able to "love the one you're with", despite being alone! On the serious side, it goes without saying, this is an extremely stupid thing to do while driving sooooooo................ I won't say it.
Submitted by Shelly Shores on Tue, 2010-08-31 02:37.
The biggest problem here is, she could have KILLED someone, like YOU or YOUR LOVED ONES! Her feet were obviously NOT on the pedals they should have been on, and at the moment of "completion" she could have driven over into the oncoming lane, or ran into the car in front of her, or many other similar catastrophes! That's the biggest problem, in my opinion, so quit telling people they shouldn't worry about masturbation; it's the place she chose to do it that's bothering most people, I would assume.
Submitted by ATTRoCkBoTTom on Tue, 2010-08-31 01:51.
wow you guys started a flame war lololol over a crackhead? get over youreselves
Submitted by Garlene on Sat, 2010-08-28 22:26.
I've heard of men getting hand jobs and blow jobs while driving but never heard of a woman masturbating while driving.
Submitted by CRASHLANDED on Fri, 2010-08-27 18:11.
I WOULD NOT WANT SOMEONE WATCHING ME IN THE ADJACENT SEAT WITH A PORD VIDEO PLAYING....WHATS THAT ALL ABOUT. OMG. THERE IS A TIME AND PLACE FOR EVERYTHING, BUT MOJOING IN THE CAR WHILE DRIVING AND WATCHING VIDEO PORN ON LAPTOP IS NOT THE TIME AND PLACE. AT LEAST SOME WOMEN ADMIT TO DOING THE BIG NASTY. I LOVE THE SMOKING GUN, THEY SEEM TO FIND THE UGLIEST PEOPLE PASSING FOR HUMANS OUT THERE. UGLY.COM MIGHT BE A BTR WEB ADDRESS??
Submitted by Ramone on Fri, 2010-08-27 12:29.
I'm not sure if it's sad or funny that the "most righteous" of the commentators on here are the most judgmental. You act as if you know this woman. So maybe the car isn't the best place for her to be Jilling off. This woman probably had no idea this incident would go viral (don't read too much into that). Yes, she looks like a crack head and she was caught with a crack pipe. I get that. But some of you act as if you've never rubbed one out before in your life. I'm sure she was driving better than these people I see driving down the road while texting. Thanks to the people that are with me on this one. She does look dirty though.
Submitted by killshot71 on Fri, 2010-08-27 10:01.
I'm with Ramone and others.
Submitted by John K on Fri, 2010-08-27 07:39.
YOU GO GIRL!!! I'll do ya, so put away your toys and we'll get us a rock, then GAME ON
Submitted by Hoosier Daddy on Fri, 2010-08-27 05:44.
God, what an FUGLY sow. I guess she had to "do the deed" herself, probably couldn't find some buck to do her.
Submitted by Lyronva on Fri, 2010-08-27 02:53.
Hey Thussaiththewalrus: Congratulations on being the only loser with enough spare time to write at least 2 comments that are each longer than the article.
Submitted by lisavanlamp on Fri, 2010-08-27 03:50.
Whay are you all so angry? Step outside and smell the roses. Be kind to yourself and others. Is fighting on the internet a hobby? Does it make you feel good? Just wondering, for I don't get it!
Submitted by Ramone on Thu, 2010-08-26 23:12.
Some of these comments are messed up. Go easy on the lady. It's not too different from getting a bj while driving, right? So did they see her doing this through the Windows that were "overly tented"? Must be embarrassing to have this all over the web.
Submitted by lisavanlamp on Fri, 2010-08-27 03:53.
I agree with Ramone. I think it's a sad story. It shouldn't even be on the news.
Submitted by thussaiththewalrus on Fri, 2010-08-27 01:38.
Ramone: LADY? What language do you speak? In your world, does vulgar mean lovely? Does evil mean wonderful? Does pus mean chocolate cake??? ~~~~ Evidently, you are unfamiliar with the concept of "shameless." This "perv" is NOT the least bit embarrassed about her actions. SHE LACKS THE CAPACITY! Please follow: (1) To be embarrassed, one must feel shame. (2) To feel shame, one must understand that one has done something wrong. (3) To know that one has done wrong, one must be able to tell the difference between right and wrong. There is a greater likelihood that she has a PhD in mathematics than that she could possibly be "embarrassed." WHY are you so desperate to pretend that her actions are NORMAL? Or that "getting caught" is the work of the nosy police? Why are you driven to support this POC? She COULD HAVE KILLED SOMEONE while driving in an "altered state!" Would that bother you? What if she had killed someone dear to you? Or, does her right to be base trump human life? IOW, do you have ANY standards? Or, have you been so brainwashed that you actually believe all things are equal? If one's thinking is so twisted that a saint is as bad as a sinner; an innocent is as bad as a hedonist; a laborer is as bad as a lout; a law-abider is as bad as a scofflaw; and goodness is as bad as evil, then you cannot possibly judge anything!!! You cannot care where you live, since all houses are equal and it matters not if you live next door to the dump! You cannot care what is on the table, since all food is equal (someone has to buy the rotten stinky food that's past its pull date). You cannot care what movie you watch, since all films are equal. You cannot care what job you have, since all jobs are equal. I'm glad you are willing to take the most demeaning and lowest paying job! What a prince you are! You cannot care what kind of car you drive; the worst looking, most rusted out beater is good enough, since it is WRONG to "judge." And, that also means you dated anything that was breathing. Or, did you try your hand at necrophilia, since "some do" and, according to you, all things are equal! It would have been WRONG and PREJUDICED to try to find a pretty, smart, kind, funny, loving, clean, and caring mate (since all are equal)! Well, I'm glad you were willing to date and marry that ugly, mean, lazy, foul-mouthed, bad-smelling, mean-spirited bee-yoch. Somebody had to! And, since you believe that all things are equal, you can't even tell the difference. Sir, I salute you for not judging those things that the rest of us care about!
Submitted by CRASHLANDED on Thu, 2010-08-26 22:35.
MULTI TUSHER HA HA LOL
Submitted by AB001 on Thu, 2010-08-26 22:15.
Our once great country has degenerated into a 3rd world cesspool.
Submitted by MAKE MY DAY on Thu, 2010-08-26 17:29.
@tenstrings...Could you elaborate on that statement my man - What's all this about...needle bearings from her u-joints and sitting on an apple????
Submitted by tenstrings on Thu, 2010-08-26 19:10.
I just replaced the u-joints in my wife's pickup...damn thing vibrated badly...I mean bad...sitting on an apple...that just came out of nowhere...sorry for the confusion
Submitted by MAKE MY DAY on Thu, 2010-08-26 17:26.
@ dankbar....If she was texting - I'll hire her....Because that's what I'd call REAL multi-tasking!! LOL!
Submitted by MAKE MY DAY on Thu, 2010-08-26 17:23.
@Panlorando...."This woman obviously has extensive mental problems" - That's definitely an 'UNDERSTATEMENT'....I would add extensive Drug Problems as well - Common Sense - LACK of mental capacity etc. etc!!! She was trying to operate a 2000 lb automobile....That's like driving with a 57 magnum by your side!!
Submitted by MAKE MY DAY on Thu, 2010-08-26 17:16.
Well....After falling out of my chair laughing - I thought about it (10 secs)...Don't she just look the picture - a model citizen and a real asset to society!! LOL... Take her license from her for years - fine her and force her to do some "Community Service"!!! OH...This is Cleveland..Sorry, I must be dreaming..Maybe Al sharpton could use her for ????? REMEMBER - A vehicle is a deadly weapon in the wrong hands - and we KNOW were her hands were!!!! Simply mind boggling!!
Submitted by barrys-butter-balls on Thu, 2010-08-26 17:08.
Now ya'll just STOP messin' with Whitney - that's enough! We've all heard the expression, "that's a smokin' ass",... well, whadda think the cops smelled when she rolled down the window? And btw, there was a crack pipe in her purse. Of course, they HAD to instigate further, er, investigate this serious matter more thouroughly. Sure hope this will help her quit her crack habit faster, and maybe give up the drugs, too!
Submitted by panlorando on Thu, 2010-08-26 17:02.
I think this website is awful. This woman obviously has extensive mental problems and needs to go to a mental health facility for treatment. Isn't her embarrassment horrendous enough without having to be national news? Publicizing this nationally through Drudge and this site will effectively mean that this woman will be permanently disabled mentally. She'll probably never recover. On top of her already existing mental problems, she'll now suffer horrible trauma from the embarrassment and permanent PTSD and maybe even some psychotic episodes. But everyone knows that satisfying people's sense of humor through sites like these is more important than saving a person's spirit and sanity.
Submitted by thussaiththewalrus on Thu, 2010-08-26 19:19.
Panlorando: By what stretch of the imagination could you EVER claim that this "woman" has the capacity for such a moral emotion as "embarrassment?" She does not have the capacity for ANY decent thoughts, words, or deeds! She is a hedonist and a HO! For you to EXCUSE her vile, vulgar, and filthy actions, while holding MATT DRUDGE responsible, means that your ability to reason is WORSE than her inabiltity to do the right thing! Will the Queen of Sheba and the Oba-messsiah quit eating lobster and ice cream long enough to call the cops "stupid" and to get this woman on yet another gum-mint program so she can do this is a car that is newer than two years old? I drive a 10 year old car; but then, I don't have the "physical requirements" for free gum-mint stuff, like this piece of trash! How much are the tax-payers contributing to her now? Hmmmm? Wanna bet she gets a check every month RIGHT NOW for her "mental health" problems? Incidentally, it takes yet another stretch of the imagination to assume that this "woman" has anything as lofty as "spirit and sanity." SHE HAS NEITHER! She is pure gutter and belongs in jail. In fact, I feel sorry that the jailers have to get within 30 feet of this piece of work! Agh! I wouldn't touch her with a 10 foot pole! Just reading about her makes me sick! She is another valid marker for abortion!
Submitted by dankbar on Thu, 2010-08-26 16:54.
At least she wasn't texting...
Submitted by Oberon123 on Thu, 2010-08-26 15:18.
Also pretty clear from the report that the search of her purse was unconstitutional. The cops had no probable cause to go into her purse.
Submitted by Oberon123 on Thu, 2010-08-26 15:15.
There is no allegation in stopping her that she was driving dangerously, only that her windows were tinted. That's the oldest cop excuse in the world in DC for stopping somebody. It gives them all the freedom in the world to go on a hunting expedition for anything they decide is illegal.
Submitted by tenstrings on Thu, 2010-08-26 15:05.
This woman could have avoided all of this embarrassment by simply removing the needle bearings from her u-joints and sitting on an apple
Submitted by Scrap iron on Thu, 2010-08-26 12:37.
Talk about multitasking
Submitted by deezo on Thu, 2010-08-26 11:58.
Unbelievable! I am so sick and tired of this perpetual POLICE STATE we live in. A “broken piece of crack pipe”? That's it? The cops can't even catch a common thief but they sure know when you are going 5 mph over the limit. Try catching some effin pedophiles or violent criminals instead of wasting time and tax payers money on idiots like this! America is just one big money grabbing POLICE STATE preying on the poor and brainwashing people with all the stupid cops shows, CSI, Law and Order, etc. It's time to reject this paradigm. Sick of it.
Submitted by Ovedya on Thu, 2010-08-26 12:38.
Seriously? A woman watching porn in her car while using a vibrator is "no big deal" to you? How about the child she could have run over? How about the fact that it's public indecency? How about inattentive driving? What's "wrong" with this country is morons of your ilk who believe that the police are wasting their time on idiots like this, and call it a form of oppression. Yeah, a broken crack pipe. Which means SHE SMOKES CRACK! A woman like this behind the wheel of an automobile is a freaking DEADLY WEAPON.
Submitted by aecatz on Thu, 2010-08-26 11:06.
She pointed to a slot beside the key hole & motioned the officers to put $5.00 if they want her to lower her window.
Submitted by cooks95 on Thu, 2010-08-26 12:38.
That was the most brilliant comment of the day. Fantastic.
Submitted by JDLIowa79 on Thu, 2010-08-26 12:51.
The United States is a "Free" country... If you don't like it, You're FREE to leave!
Submitted by cooks95 on Thu, 2010-08-26 11:05.
President Obama; "Now let me be clear- this woman has a right to use her vibrator just as any other American has a right to free expression. And by the way the police acted foolishly in this case. It was obvious it was her vibrator and her car." Two days later... Reporter: "Mr President can you see why Americans are up in arms about your comments about the woman arrested while driving in Cincinnati?" Obama: "I said the woman has a right to use her vibrator; I didn't say it was wise to use her vibrator in her car. I am going to convene a vibrator summit between the young lady and the police on this matter. I will be flying on Airforce One to Cincinnati this weekend to meet with all parties. I believe this is of the utmost importance to the American people, to job growth, and to stem the tide mortgage foreclosures across the country." Reporter: What? Obama: Listen, this if of George Bush's making. But if I am able to fully resolve the issue I want to go on record as taking full credit for this success."
Submitted by ptown27 on Thu, 2010-08-26 11:03.
Is that Michelle? Was Barry the "friend" in the passenger seat?
Submitted by NIVEK191 on Thu, 2010-08-26 10:52.
Notice the address she gave was for the YWCA. I wonder if she eats there?
Submitted by oldpink on Thu, 2010-08-26 09:48.
Afterward, the vibrator jumped off the Purple People's Bridge to its death. It simply couldn't live with itself after going where it had just been. A real tragedy.
Submitted by cooks95 on Thu, 2010-08-26 09:47.
I don't see anything wrong with this-I mean she was on crack and watching a porno. What would any ordinary person do?
Submitted by cooks95 on Thu, 2010-08-26 09:41.
From the AP: -The officers couldn't understand why she continued driving while performing this act. It turned out that her vibrator's batteries had run out and the woman devised an ingenious method for connecting her vibrator to her car's battery. So, the only way to fully arouse herself was to keep the car running. GM is excited about the idea and has hired her to develop new on-road sex devices. President Obama was quick to seize on this success story today when he said "This is great example of your stimulus dollars at work." "
Submitted by texasbrad on Thu, 2010-08-26 09:33.
I guess this is what they mean by "Joyride"
Submitted by texasbrad on Thu, 2010-08-26 09:30.
Colondra Hamilton was beta testing a way to save school districts money - combining driver's education with sex education.
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