Keystone Crap: Woman Busted For Beer Cave Defile

APRIL 15--A school nutrition administrator has been arrested for committing a terribly unappetizing act inside the beer cave at a Pennsylvania convenience store, cops report.

An employee at a Royal Farms location in Hanover last week called police to report that an unknown woman had “come in the previous day...and defecated in the beer cave.”

As described in a probable cause affidavit, the beer cave is a “walk-in cooler open to the public to select cooled beverages. All the doors into the beer cave and cooled areas are clear glass, providing visual of the inside from the common area of the store.”

A police review of store security footage showed the suspect “pushing a case of alcoholic beverages back on the shelf, pulling her pants down and defecating on the shelves then leaving.”

Cameras recorded the woman arriving at Royal Farms (seen above) in a SUV. The vehicle’s registered owner identified Crystal Gauss, 47, as the individual driving the car “when the offense occurred.” A driver’s license photo of Gauss “matched the subject depicted in the surveillance footage,” police say.

The relationship between Gauss and the car’s owner is not addressed in a court filing.

Gauss was arrested yesterday for several crimes, including open lewdness, criminal mischief, and disorderly conduct that created a “hazardous and physically offensive condition.” According to the complaint--which does not indicate why Gauss allegedly used the beer cave as a toilet--about $80 worth of Royal Farms merchandise was lost.

Gauss, who lives about a mile from Royal Farms, is the Director of Food & Nutrition for the local school district. (3 pages)