South Carolina Cop Flirts With Haiku In Brilliant Minimalist Police Report

Meet Shaina Leigh Zarko and Brittany Michelle Eisman.

The South Carolinans, both 22, were arrested yesterday for trading punches at a Myrtle Beach motel.

Which is only notable due to the marvelously succinct way in which Officer William Heine described the disorderly conduct in his Myrtle Beach Police Department report.

While not exactly a haiku, Heine’s 16-word narrative is nonetheless a commendable reductivist effort.

Zarko and Eisman, both unemployed, are seen above in mug shots snapped Sunday afternoon.