Police Seek Culprit In Holiday Weekend’s Best Vandalism Involving A Porcelain Toilet

The holiday weekend’s most amusing police report comes courtesy of the Spartanburg County Sheriff’s Office, whose officers Saturday morning responded to a vandalism call at the home of Brian Scott.

According to investigators, Scott reported that during the evening someone had driven through his front yard, leaving behind about 15 feet of tire tracks. When a deputy asked about any other damage, the 35-year-old Scott replied that the unknown motorist had also left him a “present.”

When Deputy M. Miller asked about the gift, Scott “pointed to what appeared to be a porcelain toilet,” according to the report. “Upon further inspection I confirmed that it was in fact a porcelain toilet and that the toilet contained what appeared to be human feces,” noted Miller.

Scott told Miller that the toilet was “brought onto his property and left in his driveway.” The South Carolina homeowner added that, “whoever brought the toilet onto his driveway had sat down on it and had a bowel movement.”

No arrests have been made in connection with the skid marks left on Scott’s lawn or the “present” deposited in his driveway.