The Bizarre Musings Of A Plastered Priest

3/4 UPDATE: Video of the handcuffed reverend's 23-minute tour de force

MARCH 3--Though he looks like a choir boy in his mug shot, Rev. Ignatius Kury acted rather devilishly following his bust last Thursday for drunk driving.

When Ohio cops approached the 35-year-old priest’s vehicle--which was off the roadway and in a swamp--Kury crawled from the driver’s seat into the back seat, where he curled into the fetal position and covered his head with a coat. Asked by a Brimfield Township Police Department officer if he was okay, Kury “stated he was trying out for ‘American Idol.’”

After failing a series of field sobriety tests, Kury, a Ukranian Byzantine Catholic Church priest, was arrested and transported to a holding cell at police headquarters. While cuffed to a wall, Kury “unzipped his pants and exposed his penis,” according to a police report. He also became so “irrational, upset and verbally abusive” that officers began videotaping the rest of his booking.

During his taped 20-minute rant, Kury:

• Asked jailers, “You want me to give you a blowjob? Is that what you want?”

• Remarked, “I’ll give you the Sermon on the Mount. The Sermon on the Mount is this: Get these fucking [handcuffs] off me because I’m getting a rash!”

• Noted that he was being treated like Jeffrey Dahmer, the late serial killer.

• Warned that, “Oprah Winfrey is gonna have her fat ass down here.”

• Sang portions of the “Star Spangled Banner.”

Kury, whose blood alcohol content was measured at more than two times the legal limit, was later released on a personal recognizance bond. (3 pages)