Dispatches From Down South

Really, who could imagine:

1) You know the police report is going to be good when the spokesperson for the Commerce City, Colorado cops says that "this could be a fraud, mutilation, orattempted homicide." Turns out the local coroner determined that the object in question was "just"bacterial growth mold. (2 pages)

2) Sorry, but we're not buying this guy's claim about this bizarre anti-Arab assault. Anyone want to bet that he'll be the one in cuffs? (2 pages)